Homeware!

The other day I was in Primark and found a cute canvas which I bought for my kitchen (but ended up hanging it outside the bathroom..) for a mere £4. I’m not the biggest fan of the “Keep Calm and…” movement but I like the pastel colour and the suggestion that tea will fix any problem. Which is true. Unless your problem is scalding. You should seek medical attention. Stat.

Mine is a cornflower blue with a nice teapot picture but you get the gist.
Image from here.

Anyway, this purchase got me to thinking about how I would design my own house if I ever got one and if I was filthy rich. I think I’d like an old fashioned kitchen with oak and slate and a giant American style four-door fridge, but I would accessorise it with colourful things like this tray from Darling Clementine: 

Image from here.

It would probably be a designer’s nightmare and it may look like a collection of woodland creatures had thrown up on my surfaces but that’s what I like and I would be happy baking in there.

My bathroom would be a tranquil spa paradise, all fluffy white towels and bamboo greens with one of those wicked rainfall showers. Somewhere there would be glitter. And a bath with feet on a pedestal by a window facing something secluded and awesome (my own zillion acres of private grounds perhaps). Hmm… Do they make glittery baths with feet..? 

 …A quick Google later… 

Image from here.

Yes, I found a tub made of actual amethyst. It wasn't quite what I had in mind, I'm not convinced by the “bathing-in-an-oversized-Fabergé-egg” thing it has going on there. Maybe I’d just settle for glitter tiles.

My lounge would not have a real log burning fire because a recent experience with a fire-pit made me very aware that the smoke from burning wood permeates all clothing and makes me feel nauseous and headachey. Instead I would have under-floor heating everywhere with snuggly chairs and fleecy blankets left, right and centre. There would also be a cunningly disguised door which would lead to my amazing library of dreams  (I blame Frances Hodgson Burnett and Enid Blyton for my love of secret passages). It would have those brass stepladders on rails and the overall feel of a Victorian gentleman’s club but without the cigar smoke. Preferably high up in a turret and round like this one:

Image from here.

All the other rooms in my castle/mansion I'm not too fussed about. I guess I'd like a bedroom with fancy fitted wardrobes and a walk-in closet but that's about it.

The last important part of Barbie's Abbie's Dream House would be the epic garden. I would have a traditional walled kitchen garden with an English country feel and plenty of herbs, and I would have a spiffing fountain arrangement, and a heated swimming pool, but also, and most importantly, I would have one of these immense tree houses!

As it would be a fully-functioning wooden house, I'd probably let it out as a holiday home or use it mainly for throwing awesome parties. I blame Enid Blyton for this one too. I would probably go a bit mad and try to convince everyone I was Silky the Fairy from The Faraway Tree series. It's OK though because as mentioned earlier in this homeware fantasy blog I am incredibly wealthy and thus allowed to be eccentric, somewhat like the Marquess of Bath.

Image from here.

I will leave you with this Keep Calm poster generator which is entertaining for a while:

The Keep Calm-o-Matic

And also with some links for sites where you can find nice doodads and whatsits for the home:

Fab

Pussy Home Boutique

Sass and Belle

To Dry For

Atomic

BALTIC Shop

Not an Animal Lover...

Anyone who knows me will know I am not a huge animal lover. Don't get me wrong, I'm not heartless, I got upset when Bambi's mum and Simba's dad died but to be honest that's probably because they could talk. I do appreciate that larger animals can have their own individual personality but I'm not one of those who thinks animals are like people. I'm also pretty strongly allergic to anything bigger and hairier than a hamster (they make me sneeze too but just with less intensity).

- As an aside: I hate the Dog's Trust charity advert, which, amongst other charity ads, try to give dogs human characteristics and say they will send you a card in the post. How can they lick the envelope? How can they place the stamp? The answer is they cannot and thus I feel so obviously lied to that I get annoyed and grumble loudly at the TV, irritating those around me more than the advert probably did. I'd feel much better about donating if they said "Billy is a grumpy dog who won't fetch your paper but he'll lie happily on your feet for a bit. He also likes chicken but it makes him fart.", although I suppose guilt-tripping people does make money. -

Anyway, back to the point, I am not a typical animal lover. I do have pet gerbils who entertain me hugely, but I think of them as pets instead of friends. Some people might think this is isn't right but I look after them as best I can (with some help from my kind friends), I buy them new houses and toys which they destroy in 3 hours and I sometimes try to give them a sand bath but they just eat the sand instead. Idiots. I am under no illusion that they see me as anything other than their primary food giver and besides doing that important task I am unimportant to them.

So, it is safe to say I have never wanted a large, uncaged house pet like a cat or dog... until this day. When I saw this Youtube video my heart officially turned to mush and I Googled hard to see what kind of breed he/she is. I then discovered the Munchkin Cat. They have teeny-tiny legs. Here's the Japanese website linked in the video which sells them and you don't have to speak Nihon-go to enjoy this site because the pictures, like the ones on the right, speak for themselves! It is all I can do to not shout "AWWWW!" out loud but rest assured I am doing so in my head!

If there is some way of overcoming my allergies, when I am a grown up with a house and a proper job I will be getting one of those little fluffballs. Preferably a grey one. And maybe he or she will send me cards in the post. More likely they will just behave like any normal cat and do this instead.

Here's what's left of my gerbils' destroyed wicker teepee: